Loving You While Killing You
by Eternity is only Forever
Summary: What happens when you're in a relationship you both love and hate? You're already broken down. So if your spouse is abusive, do you run or fight? Yaoi. M for later chapters. Harry x Draco. Jump in and See! Read & Review Please!
1. The Saviour and the Minister

**A/N: Ok, so I know I haven't written anything in a while. For those of you who actually care. But I've been brain storming and my life is a wreck. Which actually feeds my creativity. Sad huh? But here is a new story for you guys. I'm not sure if it will be a one-shot or not. Depends on how it goes, how I feel, and the reviews of course. I took the other two stories down because they were pathetic. But if you really want them back, just message me. (Not like that's gonna happen!)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, would it be on here, or would it be in a book in some store, making me tons of money? My thoughts exactly!**

**Warning: Yaoi! Boy x Boy! If you don't like, then don't read it! But if you're one of the many who secretly do but wont admit it, leave me an anonymous review. Something is better than nothing at all! Without any more distractions. . . . . . . **

Loving You While Killing You

I got up and crossed the floor to the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, I sighed. This one looked kind of bad. I wasn't sure if the concealer would be able to hide this one. The pain had long gone numb. Sadly I had gotten used to minor stuff like this. In the past, worst things had been done. The only problem was, we had a big event tonight. We had to appear at a major dinner. And I couldn't go with a huge bruise mark on my left cheek. Not only would our appearance be ruined but even more pressure and attention would be drawn to our already unnatural relationship then we needed right now. I pulled out the jar of concealer and hastily started to cover the spot. "Hurry up, or we're gonna be late!" a voice boomed from the living room, over the television. "Well, if you had picked a better spot to hit me, then maybe I could get ready faster!" I yelled back. "Quit complaining! And are you trying to get smart with me? Should I hit you again?"

I didn't reply to this remark knowing that it wouldn't help our situation at all at the moment. I came out the bathroom and put on my clothes for the evening. It would be a long night I could tell. I came out into living room tying my tie. "I'm ready love!" I sighed. My tall, platinum blond husband stood up and came to my side. Adjusting my tie and straightening every thing out. "Harry, you know I didn't mean to hit you. You know I love you ever so dearly. I would be lost without you love! It's just been so hectic and I've been soo tired and worried. Not to mention the daily prophet spinning all types of rumors and things. I just lost my temper. I truly am sorry."

The speech was almost memorized with a couple changed words here and there and some minor details changed. "I know Draco. But I just wish we could take classes to get it under control. Or do something. I can't live like this forever. Always hiding, covering up marks, making lies as to why something looks different or why I'm acting strangely. I just can't do it!" "Are you saying you're gonna leave me Harry? 'Cause you know I wont let you. I'll hunt you down. I love so dearly. But if I cant have you, then no one can." replied Draco with a half scared half crazed look in his eyes. "No love never, I love you as well. But Draco, I just need a change or something. Let me know that what you say is true!" We quickly kissed and headed to the car. Ending the conversation with a thick air and loads of tension.

As Draco drove one of our many cars down the winding roads towards our destination, I looked out the window and thought about the past.

After school, everything was soo different. I guess we both matured and allowed our differences to pass. Me and Draco became ever so close. At first it was just as friends, but somewhere along the lines it became. . . . . . .more. I think it was the night that I ended it all; the magical war between me and Voldemort. The battle was horrid and I just barely won. How, I still don't quite know but I did.

The war had not been going in our favor. More people seemed to be afraid of the Dark Lord. I'm not sure if it was out of this fear, but his legions of death eaters grew larger and larger. It seemed hopeless. Like the more aurora and soldiers we lost, the more he gained. The war I admit made me digress. My usual go get'em attitude had calmed greatly. I learned that this was how people were lost. Friends, family, loved ones. Even thinking back to the night we lost professor Dumbledore. My beloved mentor, killed because I was so forward, or so I believed. I became more and more reclusive. Until finally I couldn't take it any more. I believe somewhere along the lines I snapped, all my courage was lost. All my love gone. There was nothing I cared for. And in actuality, I think this is why I won.

I stopped caring about everything else. I stopped wanting to win. So the night I took five aurora with me and just stormed Voldemorts' fortress, I had no intentions on winning. I feel even worse because as I ordered those aurora with me, I had no intentions on any of them living either. Not even my good friend Ron Weasley. We blasted our way through death eaters. The first curse I said wasn't a stun curse or a disarming one. The first guard I came across, I yelled "Advada Kedava!" a killing curse. My companions were just as shocked as I. But I followed that curse with the command, "Take no prisoners. This will be the end for either one side, or the other." Slowly we made our way through his mansion. How I knew which ways to go, I'm not sure to this day. It was a huge place. But I could just feel Voldemorts' presence. One by One they feel before me and my aurora. One by one, my aurora fell by their hands. I hate myself each night as the dreams hunt me of their faces. The faces of young and old wizards and witches in the robes of death eaters. And even of my few companions. Some you could tell didn't want to be there. Some dying in vain. Some not even fighting back. But I didn't care. I had one thing on my mind. To end it, some how or some way.

When we finally reached the doors behind which Voledmort was it was only me, Ron, and a young aurora named Sam left. We charged in and immediately, Sam was slain. We fought, me Voldemort and Ron. It was two against one and still we were losing. Some how I was caught off guard, and I thought for sure I was finished. I was blasted with an impaling spell. My left arm and leg were against the wall trapped bleeding and in pain. Right before I was hit with the final curse, Ron saved me. That night he almost died. And again, I didn't care. Voldemort thought I was done for but I wasn't. I pulled off the walls and killed him. That part to me is a blur. After that, all I remember is waking up with Draco by my side. To this day, I still can't bring myself to look at Ron the same. He survived but he lost a whole arm in the process. He had gotten a replacement, but I couldn't help but remember, that I still had no intentions of him surviving.

In the end, Ron and I grew distant. It was really my fault, but it was all could do. He was married and divorced twice until finally he caught up with Hermione. We all had lost touch with her after school. But they ended up together, like they were supposed to in the first place. Married with two kids. A boy and a girl. Both red hair.

Me and Draco drifted off into nothing. Finally we confessed our love and stayed together. We were married and the first year was wonderful. His family name was cleared when united with mine and all respect regained. He took over as minister of magic, which no one ever saw coming. Some people believe it was our marriage and my killing Voldemort, that won him the votes. But really it was a clean sweep. The other guy barely got twelve percent of the votes. That's when things turned bad.

The Daily Prophet accredited all his success to me and our marriage. Of course a guy wants his own legacy, but he couldn't get that being married to me. But we loved each other so much. So only one thing could happen. I was his hate and his love. His upbringing and his downfall. So why shouldn't I receive the punishment? I understood and felt bad, but its not like I allowed it to just happen. The first time he hit, we got kinky and had a whole night to ourselves. But then it continued. I fought him at first. But it didn't last. The war had taken all the fight out of me. It had driven me to loose the people I cared for the most. I didn't want to fight anyone ever again. I didn't want to be alone and if I fought he might have left. So I guess I allowed it to happen after all. First it was minor cuts and bruises. Then it became serious. One time I couldn't leave the house for four days. But I love him. And That's all that matters right? Plus he is the only one who understands me anymore. The Prophet believes that the war sent me over the edge and that I am certifiably crazy. And I think I agree. Often I find myself rambling. Horrible nightmares plague my dreams. So what would I do without him? I thought about getting out of the relationship. A three year marriage. But where would I go? What would I do? Money? Food? A place to stay? This all eluded me. So I stayed. I receive the beatings and the marks. Then we make up and everything is ok for a while. But just in time for the old mark to clear up or finally heal, a new one is made.

Like I said before, I think I just stop caring. And worst of all, Draco either knows this, and uses it to his advantage, or he just stop caring too!

I sighed again as the memories washed over me. The dinner was entitled, "Best Muggle Appearance". So every family invited were all dressed in muggle clothing an had to pretend to be a muggle family for the night. Not that I minded anyways. I had been living in the muggle way for some time. The last time I had picked up a wand or done some magic was in only the gods know when. There was a little small wandless magic here and there. But nothing big. Not since the war. I barely remembered most any spells. Not that I wanted to anyways. With the memory of the spells, came the memory of horrible times too.

As we parked the car with some difficulty, I prepared my face and attitude. 'Must put on a great show for the people!' I told myself. We walked up to the door arm and arm and paused. "Are you ready love?" asked Draco smiling with love and devotion. "Of course!" I replied letting go of all other thoughts. Putting up my can do face and attitude, we walked through the double doors as our names were called out, alerting everyone in the hall that: 'Master Harry Potter, Savior of the Wizarding World and his Husband, Master Draco Malfoy Minister of Magic' had arrived.

**A/N: Ok, so how is it? Come on. . . give it to me in your reviews! I actually like this one. I know where it's going and everything. WellI at least have ideas! But really, review so i know what to do!**


	2. Appearances are Everything:The Ball

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay on the update. I took this unexpected week brake and I didn't have a chance to update the story before I left. Next time, I'll try to make sure that I update sooner. And for now on, unlike everyone else who has to leave these long messages before reading, I will only be leaving things relevant to the story. Sooooo Enjoy!**

**P.S. - This chapter is rather pathetic, please forgive me ahead of time.**

**Chapter 2: Appearances are Everything; the Muggle Ball.**

We slowly walked down the elegant marble staircase that lead to the center of the ballroom. As usual, everything stopped to show the importance of the two people coming into the hall. The music continued but all the people watched as we ascended the stairway. "How are you Mr. Minister?" asked someone from the crowd. "Very well, thank you." replied my husband. It seemed so unreal to me. As I thought about it, everything was lie. The way we acted towards people, towards each other. It was so fake. Like a show we put on, and Damn, had we gotten good at it. "Harry, how's it going?" asked another person from the crowd who I didn't know. "It's wonderful!" I replied. The same fakeness coming through without me trying.

This lasted for about a good five minutes until finally me and Draco found our seats and sat down. Everyone returned to normal, dancing and mingling. At our table, like always when things of this nature were held, were seated Ron and Hermione. Sometimes I got the feeling that because Ron was an old war buddy, he would be the only one to tolerate my 'craziness' and of course, you can't split up a husband and wife, so Hermione was dragged along. When they arrived we greeted each other in the usual caring way. Another false impression.

Draco and Ron went to talking about work and how the auroras were doing so much better since his election and what was to come for the future of politics in the wizarding world. A great debate that always ended with the two arguing and then making up. Like usual Hermione sat next to me. She looked me over with her critical eye and then hugged me. She was always worried about my relationship with Draco. She always suspected that something was wrong between us. But I never told her anything. It would have made sense for me to tell her and have her and Ron let me stay with them as I prepared to leave Draco. But it just seemed like to much of a burden. Plus I didn't want to leave him. I just wanted him to change. Hermione and I have never been the same either. We always made polite conversation with one another. Not wanting to be rude or show what we really thought of each other. It usually ended with an awkward silence and then our husbands coming to the rescue. It all seemed so rehearsed.

Later on in the nights, Draco and I would dance. Where we would have a wonderful conversation about something or other. We would evilly talk about who was dressed the worse and who tried to compare to us. We'd laugh like when we just starting our relationship off. Then the music would stop, and I would die again.

Because of our status we of course had to talk with just about everyone. Whether we wanted to or not. Some how someone would strike up a conversation with one of us, and the other would be attacked from the other side. Eventually we would get separate and the night would pass us by. By the time we met back up, both of us were rather annoyed and irritated in one way or the other. This is always bad because this is when he begins his abusive ways, and I forget about to watch what I say and we argue. Of course this is in the privacy of a bathroom with a silencing spell cast by Draco on the room. Or in a hallway far off from the ears of others.

This nights was no different. It came that someone had again made a joke saying that he wouldn't be anywhere without me and my reputation. Of course this pissed him off instantly. But he couldn't show it, so the game of witty and snide remarks would start. Of course no one took what was said to heart, seeing it as just a playful game between men. But I was the receiver of all the true anger that was not seen by the public. To me, someone had asked about children. Knowing that it would be almost impossible for two wizards to bare children, knowing that the wizarding world needed as many children as possible, and knowing also that in order for our bloodlines to continue we would need children. This was always a touchy subject with me, and also one of the reasons Draco's family did not agree with us being together at first. We over came these issues in our young passion. But like the war, when brought up now, all it did was cause pain.

Me and Draco argued in the bathroom for about twenty minutes this time. He pushed me a couple of times and I just yelled. I think he realized he couldn't hit me cause we were in a public place. I really could care less at this point. As we exited I said something about 'how I might as well start looking into adoption then'. This struck a nerve and Draco spun around so fast it scared me. He caught me off guard and slapped me. Before I could say anything, Hermione caught my eye. Her face was what really scared me. She had seen everything that had happened.

Draco stormed off, putting up his mask again. _The show must go on. _I thought. I walked over to the balcony where I looked out onto the lake. I could tell my face was still red from the slap and I didn't care.

As I lost myself in my own thoughts, I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. It was Hermione. I knew it was coming. The talk, and all the worry where she would gloat about being right. "So are you gonna tell me everything, or should we continue to act like nothing is happening still?" At first I wanted to argue, I wanted to tell her that it was a one time thing and that it didn't happen often, but before I could stop myself I found I was telling her everything. We sat and talked for about a hour on the balcony about all the things that were happening between me and Draco. Sometimes you could tell the shock wanted to burst through her features. But she maintained a calm face none the less.

When we were through, I made her promise not to mention this anyone, not to say a word on her life. She promised. This I believe is when our friendship truly started again. As we sat there, Draco came out onto the balcony to tell me that he was ready to go. I could see Hermione tense up but she remained calm in the face. I said I would be there shortly and he left. I told Hermione good-bye and made my way through the crowd of people to the exit. There Draco was waiting for me with my coat.

We left the ball and headed home. The whole way there, I thought about my conversation with Hermione how it had felt nice to finally tell someone about a few of my troubles. I hoped to myself that I wouldn't make this a constant thing and how I wouldn't bother her all the time with my few minor troubles.

It seems like the last couple of weeks I had been in a dream. I felt like I was watching the whole thing from a far. Watching my life crash and crumble. Slowly losing my sanity. But I think I finally woke up tonight as I talked to Hermione. The drive home was silent, as it started to rain. After about a minute or so, Draco found the windshield wipers and turned them on. "Damn muggle contraptions." I could hear him saying under his breath as we slowly drove home and I drifted off to sleep.

**A/N: So here is the end to chapter two. Sorry it was so sucky and repetitive. I promise the next chapter will be better. But I had to make sure I establish the mood and that you all understood what life is like in Harry's eyes. From here on, I will be switching points of view. But most should be in third person. I'll make sure to indicate when I switch.**


	3. A Brighter Side to Things

**A/N: Ok, so I can't even think of a good excuse. The truth is I've been neglecting the story. But not on purpose of course. I've been overly busy and I haven't been on a computer in a while. So here's a very rare sorry to all! And now I will delay you no longer. Although I promise to try to update more often! Sorry Again.**

**Chapter 3: A Brighter Side to Things.**

When Harry looked up from his light nap in the car, Draco was pulling around the drive way. He parked the car and turned off the engine. "We're home love." said Draco turning to Harry. Harry kissed Draco lightly on the lips before exiting the car and walking around to the front door where he waited for Draco to come and open the door. There was no keyhole, just a handle.

Draco came to the door and tapped his wand against it twice. The door slowly swung open and allowed for both Harry and Draco to enter before closing again on its own.

Harry looked around his home as if seeing it for the first time. In front of him was the living room. It contained a sofa, love seat, and a large screen t.v. To the left was a hallway leading to the first of two bathrooms and the bedrooms. To the right lead to Draco's office, the kitchen, and the dining room.

He walked down the hallway leading to the room he shared with Draco. He took off the evenings' clothes and put on something more comfortable. This being a T-shirt and some pajama bottoms. He then arranged the pillows so he could sit up and watch t.v. As Harry grabbed the remote to the television, Draco walked into the room undoing his shirt and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "Draco you can't possibly be hungry. We just ate a huge dinner a few hours ago." said Harry teasingly. "I know, but I wanted a snack before bed." replied Draco half whining half laughing. He sat down on the bed with his shirt open and stared at the t.v. Harry looked over and began to giggle. "What?" asked Draco a little confused. Harry leaned over and licked the corner of Draco's mouth where a smudge of jelly had once rested. "Mmm. . . strawberry. My favorite." said Harry after licking away the strawberry jelly. Draco laughed with him as he finished the last of the sandwich.

Draco stood up and finished undressing. He had taken off all of his clothes except his pair of boxers when suddenly Harry started massaging his back. He moved his hands down Draco's back and then back up. Slowly massaging all the tension from his husband. "Oh Harry. . .that feels great." said Draco. "But I know what will help me out even more."

Before Harry could ask what that was, Draco had turned around and thrown Harry on the bed. He then landed next to him and took his lips in a piercing kiss. Harry was shocked by all of this but instantly melted into the kiss and returned it with one of his own. Before long they were both moaning and gasping as Draco started to undress Harry. Harry could already feel Draco's arousal pushing through his boxers begging to be released. Before he knew it his shirt was gone and Draco was kissing a path down his chest.

Feeling in a playful and teasing mood, Harry decided to take control. He rolled over so that Draco was on his back. Harry pinned his wrists over Draco's head and kissed him. Sliding his hands from Draco's wrists down his arms to his chest and finally massaging back and forth over his stomach. The kissed intensified in passion as it went from pecks to longing kisses. It was like they hadn't seen each other in years. Harry's hands finally began to play at the rim of Draco's boxers, pulling back and forth. Then he slipped one hand in and grasped Draco in his fist. He moaned out, breaking the kiss. Harry started to stroke him, long and hard. Draco smiled slyly and then pulled Harry closer. They began kissing again until this time Harry broke the kiss. He kissed down Draco's chest and stomach until he reached his prize. Harry teased around until finally he engulfed Draco in one swift motion. Draco's eyes flew open as he arched forward from surprise and pleasure. Harry's warm mouth encased Draco, sucking and licking with the most experience anyone could ask. Harry continued his actions until Draco was about to burst, then he stopped and began kissing Draco once more. Draco whined for more, wanting to reach that point of unimaginable bliss. Harry leaned forward and then slid down on top of Draco. He took a second to get used to the new intrusion, then began to ride him like a bull. Draco bucked forward twice before he found Harry's rhythm. Thrusting up and in until Harry moaned from the pure pleasure. "Oh baby, do me harder!" screamed Harry, never wanting it to stop. Draco decided it was his turn. So he rolled over and took control. With Harry's leg's on his shoulders Draco began to thrust madly at his own pace into Harry. Feeling the contraction of Harry around him was enough to drive him crazy! Harry swallowed him completely all the time.

Draco cried out, "I love you!" as he reached completion within Harry. Harry's own scream was drowned out by Draco's as the usual warm liquid began to coat Harry's chest and stomach. Draco collapsed on top of Harry lathering him with small pecks and warm kisses. "I have always loved how you make me feel!" said Draco as he began to catch his breath. "I've never had to prove myself or reach to be good enough for you." Harry's reply was a small smile and hum as his chest finally began to regain its normal rate of breathing. He opened his eyes and looked over at Draco. "And you have always made me feel sexier than I thought possible." said Harry. "Well I guess we have to go get cleaned up now don't we?" said Harry. "Well you can go first if you like." said Draco with his eyes closed. "I do believe I said 'we' not I." said Harry with a smile. Draco opened his eyes and began to grin as well. He jumped up and raced to the bathroom with Harry to endure a wonderful shower and other actions as well.

**A/N: Ok, so this chapter was a little shorter than intended, but I didn't want to put too much in it and give away stuff! So the real story is about to began. Reviews will make me happy:)**


End file.
